I lost a friend after my suicide attempt

“I just can’t be friends with you anymore.”

This is what my childhood best friend said to me after my suicide attempt. Between all the feelings I was experiencing from this attempt, having my best friend basically shun me, hurt. At the time, I didn’t understand what I had done wrong.

Why wasn’t she supportive? Why wasn’t she going to be there for me? I needed her now more than ever.

My first suicide attempt was when I was 16 years old. I was an emotional wreck, having just exited from an abusive relationship. I was also on the receiving end of bullying by my ex and another former friend. I didn’t think that I deserved to live.

When I returned to school after about a week or so, things were different. Some friends were there for me and extremely supportive. I even had some acquaintances that stepped forward and offered their support.

But again, why wasn’t my best friend there for me?

Looking back eight years later, I’m realizing what my best friend must have been experiencing, and I was too selfish to notice. My best friend was scared. And rightfully so. This was the first time anyone had really talked about mental health in our group of friends. This was the first time any of us had to deal with the possibility of death and losing someone permanently.

I should have known how emotionally exhausting it would be on her, and that she would have needed a support system as well. I get it, and I’m sorry.

I should have asked how she was doing, and I should have offered some resources to her on how to go through this difficult time in my life, and her life as well.

If you have a friend who recently went through an attempt, I’m sorry that you are struggling to cope and understand. It’s OK to be angry, upset, confused, among many other emotions. Please talk it out with someone. It’s important that you take care of yourself so that you can be there for your friend.

4 thoughts on “I lost a friend after my suicide attempt

  1. This is such a thoughtful post. It’s just so kind that you’ve understood her as a person and not just judged her. It’s so self-less of you to acknowledge her feelings at a time when you were in such a bad place. I do hope however that you don’t carry any guilt for that now, because at that time lovely, you were probably using all your strength/energy to keep yourself going. xx


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